Issue 27    June  2010

Build Your Confidence

Have you seen someone recently who seemed to have confidence in an area where you’re still not sure of yourself? If envy didn’t get the best of you, maybe you were inspired by that person. Or wondered, how do they do it?

Some people seem to be born with confidence or are advantaged in ways that make it easier to be confident. It seems to come easy for them. But everyone has areas where confidence is lacking.

You build confidence through experience, feedback and learning. If all goes well, you develop an inner certainty about your qualities and capabilities. But learning and feedback doesn’t always go smoothly, sometimes it’s spotty, unkind or even traumatic. This could lead to distorted view of yourself that needs to be corrected and brought into alignment with what’s true about you, your qualities and your capabilities.

In order to build your confidence, you need to see yourself clearly and hold the value of what you see. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see plenty to be proud of, ample room for improvement, and opportunities for further learning. So validate and appreciate the good stuff and make a plan for addressing the limiting areas that need attention.

This is what does NOT help: ignoring the best in you and fixating on the worst, as though your talents, strengths and gifts aren’t really there. Another thing that does NOT help is fixating on the best and ignoring the worst, as though your limitations aren’t really there.

For example, if you want to be more confident as a speaker, then focus on the strengths you have already. If you have a strong personal and physical presence but your voice is not inviting, then appreciate your physicality, use it to your advantage but work with the tone in your voice so you can draw people in when you speak.

Your confidence will have a strong foundation when you resist the temptation to become overly critical with yourself or to ignore what needs attention. Confidence blooms when you gather your strengths and expand your capacities by tending to areas that need development.

Action Steps

1. Write down five things about yourself that you are really proud of and feel good about. Review these often. Don’t minimize them.

2. Write down five things you know need improvement. Look for areas which, if addressed, would help your confidence in significant ways.

3. What are you going to do to address the areas that need attention? Come up with a plan. Commit to it. Take action.

4. You know you’ve been meaning to invest more in yourself and your own development. It can be difficult to make your own growth a priority. But your life will get easier if you do. I know. Call me if you want to talk.

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