Issue 7 September 1, 2008
Hold your value
Take responsibility for recognizing and validating both your unconditional-intrinsic value AND your conditional-relative value. It will build unshakable confidence.
Value can be seen in 2 ways; as relative and as intrinsic. In the social, economic and work world, value is relative. You are valued for specific skills and assets and acknowledged accordingly through money, recognition and a variety of rewards that are bestowed from others.
Holding your value gets dicey when your reward system is challenged. For example, when changing jobs, the familiar reward system gets interrupted. A new job asks you to re-establish your value in a new situation. In a very real way, you need to prove yourself under new circumstances. Holding your value is essential in these situations.
Caring for both your unconditional-intrinsic value AND your conditional-relative value is necessary if you are to feel confident in who you are and what you do.
Your unconditional value is your birthright as a human being. You take up space and resources on this earth and have as much right to be here as anyone else. You have essential value that is no more and no less than anyone else. When you validate this for yourself, the result is intrinsically balancing and stabilizing.
Holding your conditional-relative value is a little different. You are valuable to some people for some things. However to other people you may have no value at all. Under certain conditions even your greatest strengths will have no value. It’s a mistake to think you can be valuable to everyone under all conditions. So a little reality check may be in order here.
Holding your relative value means standing behind your strengths and acknowledging what you bring to the table. In this case, it’s very important that you do this for yourself and not rely too much on the validation from others. Too much reliance on others robs you of personal power. While it’s important to know how you are valued by others, it’s up to you to hold that value and not let it drain away when the external reinforcement wears thin.
When it came to a job change, Shelly was feeling very shaky about her value. She was moving into a sales position. For the first time in her 10-year career she would be paid a base salary plus commission on both sales amount and volume. The commission offered the potential to be highly successful and make the big bucks. She was both excited and a little horrified at the possibilities.
She prepared herself by meditating on her unconditional value. She spent 5-10 minutes quietly breathing and reminding herself of her place in the world. When she felt calm and centered, she turned her attention to her conditional value. She wrote down her strengths and the personal value she brought to her potential customers. She also clarified the value of the product she was selling.
Then she and her coach worked out three ways to anchor her value in the upcoming weeks and months.
1. To learn and respond to what the customer valued from her
2. To validate and stand behind to what she valued in herself
3. To stay connected with her intrinsic value
She made a commitment to these steps. They strengthened her integrity and kept her up to date on the relative value of what she was offering. As a result, she was able to stand behind her value to the client and hold her value for herself. She developed very high trust, high profile, high profit relationships with clients.
It was an extremely rewarding transition for her, not just because of the outward success but also because she could rely more and more on a deep, internal confidence that supported her.
Action Steps
1. Focus on one significant relationship at work and one from your private life. In each relationship, write down what you believe the other person values the most from you. If you feel especially gutsy, try checking this out with them.
2. Write down what you see as your core strengths that you bring to almost any situation. Now visualize a warm, radiant sun in the center of your heart. Imagine that this sun also radiates your core strength. Use this image to anchor your confidence.
3. Focus on a challenging situation you’re currently facing. Write down the beneficial qualities and skills that you bring to the situation.
4. If you’re struggling with holding your value, consider working with a coach. Professional coaching can often help you see your value more clearly and assist in giving it powerful expression in the world.
7. Subscribe to the CPR for Enlightened Performance newsletter.
